Life Lessons I Learned While Making Caramel

I love to bake, especially at Christmas time. So when I was invited to take part of a cookie bake I was all in. The plan was for all of us to make a different kind of cookie and then share, so we all got a good mix of cookies. I wanted to try something new so I decided to make caramels. Little did I know what I was getting into.

Since we were sharing cookies I decided to double the recipe. I wanted everyone to have many caramels to share. The directions were fairly simple stir constantly until boiling and then heat until it reaches 245 degrees on a candy thermometer. How bad could that be?

The others had moved on to frosting or making their second cookie and I was still stirring. I was beginning to regret the choice of making caramels. In fact, at one point I decided to never try to make caramels again! A solid hour and a half later I was on the verge of done!

So there I was minding my own business stirring those caramels when it hit me. There are some great life lessons to be learned from making caramel.

The first thing I realized was that sometimes there are no short cuts. Stirring those caramels to boiling and then to the proper temperature was the only way to get great tasting caramel. If I would have stopped early, the batter would have been runny and not at all a good caramel. It helped me to remember that sometimes in life no matter how much I want to find a shorter way to complete the task I have started. The only way is to see it through to the end.

The second thing was that good things are worth the wait. That particular phrase is a mixed bag for me because on the one hand being told the long wait and process towards our adoption will all be worth it, is not always comforting. On the other hand, not everything in baking or life for that matter can be obtained in a short amount of time.

The last thing I learned was that cooling and cutting the caramel into pieces was just as much a part of the processes as the cooking. At one point I thought I would be stirring all afternoon. That everyone else would finish her cookies; leave and I would still be stirring. Of course that did not happen. But, as I was in the midst of stirring and stirring and stirring some more, I forgot the best part. Cooling and cutting the caramel into pieces, which is of course the only way caramel can be eaten and enjoyed.

It is easy for me to forget that all this paper work will be done. Once that happens and it gets sent to Ethiopia, we wait for a referral. When we get a referral, we wait for a court date when we get to meet our children and legally become their parents. After that we come home and wait for an embassy appointment. When we have an embassy appointment we are then able to go back to Ethiopia and the kids will be able to become US citizens. At that time they will be able to travel home with us. All this to say, there is so much more exciting things to come in our process then waiting for papers and chasing papers. But like stirring the caramel, the task at hand becomes so tedious, so tiring, so like it is never going to end, that you can forget that it leads to something better yet to come.

All that stirring produced some good tasting caramel. If I had taken a short cut, or stopped early the caramel would have not turned out. Isn’t that just how things in life are? Just when you think you cannot possibly stir another minute. You are done. When that happens you begin to be able to enjoy the fruit of all the stirring. I look forward to when I can be done stirring.

Gift or Giver

Have you ever read a page in a book and what is being written sticks with you? It continues to stick in your mind even though it has been a couple of days since you read it or you have read numerous other things. That’s exactly what happened to me. It happened when I was reading one of the devotions from Streams in the Deseret.

There have been many devotions from this book that have stuck with me. But this particular one started with talking about how it’s easy to worship when everything is going well and there is abundance. But when it all starts to fall apart will “our heart still sing”(pg 460)? It goes on to challenge if we are able to do this then we can “know that I desire not the gift but the Giver” (pg 460).

I have been thinking about that statement since I read it. Do I love God or do I love what God gives me? Or even what He can do for me? It is a challenging thought.

Of course, in mind I thought the answer was yes. But then I remembered Peter. Peter is one of the followers of Jesus. He tells Jesus that he would follow Him anywhere even if it meant going to prison or even his own death. Jesus was so kind to Peter. He told him that the very day Peter said those words that he would deny Him 3 times before the rooster crowed. Peter denied it; he was animate, no way Lord not going to happen. Yet we know that is not how it played out. The rooster crowed just after Peter claimed to not know Christ for the 3^rd time.

Now call me crazy, but I find comfort in that. Why? Well, it reminds me that we are all human. I mean if Peter who actually followed Jesus and witnessed all that He did can deny him. Well, then that gives me hope. Hope that if God used Peter in such a powerful way certainly He can use me.

Another reason I find it comforting is well Peter already denied Christ, so when I mess up I am not the first one. I am not the only one. I have not ruined everything. God can still work in and through me. Look at what how He used Peter. He called him his Rock.

In pride when I first read, “know that I desire not the gift but the Giver”, I thought of course I love God more than what He can give me. But then I remembered Peter. Peter who said one thing with his words in one set of circumstances and who lived out and said something different in another set of circumstances.

It may be easy in this moment right now when I am not faced with a prayer that has been answered no. To say yes, I love God for who is not what He gives. But when confronted with a prayer that has been answered no. Well that may be a different story.

Jeff and I are praying that we will be able to successfully adopt. If the answer is no, and we are never able to adopt will I still love God for who is? I pray that my answer will be yes. How about you if God says no, to a very important prayer maybe it is for more children, a better job, healing from a particular disease, less children, a house, or whatever it may be what would your answer be?

Nobody Wants to Put Their Foot In Their Mouth

The adoption process has stretched and grown me in more ways than I could have ever imagined. As a self-confessed person who frequently just opens her mouth to change feet, the adoption process has been a surprising teacher regarding my sensitivity about what I say to others. That is one of the reasons I blog, to share some of things I have learned or am in process of learning, because many of the things I have learned can be applied to many different life situations. Today, my focus is on sharing what things may not be the best choice of words to say to an adoptive or in my case potential adoptive parent (AP or PAP). Now I must preface this, by laying the following ground rules:

1. If you have said one of the things on the list, no guilt involved. The person you said it to has forgotten it and moved on. Just file this away for future reference. I most likely, prior to being a potential adoptive parent (PAP), may have said one of these things.
2. I am just trying to raise awareness. I would much rather learn what not to say before I say it then my usual, well-I-know-not-to-say-that, way of learning.
3. Refer back to A & B

So with that said here are a couple of things that may be best left unsaid, or said with different words

• Don’t you want to have real children?

I think a better word here might be biological children. Adoptive kids are real kids.

• Can you have biological children?

This depends on the person and the relationship you have with the person you are asking. If you are not close/good friend, I would say, don’t ask.

• When people find out you are adopting they share the following: My friend, or cousin, or uncles’ nieces’ cousin adopted and then proceeds to tell the story of an awful situation and all the terrible things that happened.

Sometimes there are adoptions that go awry, but then there are also situations where it goes awry with biological children. Good news does not make the news. There are many, many more stories of adoption situations that are fine with nothing awful about them then there are of the adoption horror stories.

• How much does it cost?

Unless volunteered, I think this falls into the, you don’t ask someone how much money they make at their job category. If you really are interested you can Google it and get a good idea. I am thankful for Google I have learned a lot from it.

• Once you adopt you’ll get pregnant.

The percentage of people who adopt and then get pregnant is low. I have heard 3% and I have read 6% either way not good odds. However, being a fan of God could do anything; I have always wanted a reason to be on the Today show. Usually people end up on that show for awful things sometimes good things I would love to be on there for a good thing like this.

• You are so great to adopt.

I am a hopeful parent just like any other couple trying to have kids, I just happen to be adopting to grow my family. I am not sure that qualifies in the category of wonderful.

I discussed in a previous blog (click here) how it is hard to make lists of things you should and should not say to people. This is merely an attempt to help better prepare me and anyone else who might read this blog for any future encounters with adoptive or potential adoptive parents.

Hope Springs Eternal

I need to open with a replay of a conversation I had with our social worker earlier today.

Tracy: “I ‘m hoping we can get our dossier completed and sent to Ethiopia before the end of December.”

Social Worker: “I don’t think you’ll get your immigration form that quickly.”

Tracy: “Oh. Then at least by January?

Social worker: “Most Likely”

Soon after that phone conversation, I was speaking with a friend about the process.

Friend: “What did your social worker say about your paperwork?

”Tracy: “Well most likely that our dossier won’t get sent out in December, but, the crazy thing is even though we just got disappointing news this past weekend, I still have the hope that it can happen that our dossier will get sent in December.”

It made me think, hope is a funny a thing. I take that back, people who hope, can at times be funny. On the one hand we can believe like my friend and I, even if we have even been told it most likely won’t work out, we hope and even believe it still might. What I like to call “hope springs eternal”. Yet when there are situations where people are telling us to not give up hope and it will work out, we lack hope and don’t believe. What gives?

It’s a curious thing hope and belief. I wonder, I mean I really, wonder what makes us choose “hope springs eternal” when there is no reason to hope? Why do we lose hope, when there is reason to hope? For example, my dear friend Abraham, in Romans 4: 18 “Against all hope in hope Abraham believed…” So with no reason to hope, I suppose other than God said, Abraham had hope. Yet, at the same time Abraham displayed having no hope with the whole Ishmael fiasco. Clearly, Abraham should have had hope after all God had promised him. Where did that hope go?

Could it be that he had hope then lost hope because he got discouraged? Maybe he had hope because he was in a hopeless situation. Okay so wait a minute, what if that’s it? We are in what appears to be a hopeless situation that we want to be different. We choose hope. When we are in a situation and it has not worked out as we had hoped, we lose hope.

What?! That makes no sense. We choose hope in a hopeless situation and we lose hope when we are in the same hopeless situation. Why can’t I continue to have the same hope I did in the beginning? The situation is not different. I hoped and believed once before.

The culprit is discouragement. It snatches the energy from everything it comes in contact with. I came into contact with it this past weekend, when we did not get news that we hoped to get.

Discouragement can be a normal response to a situation that has not worked out the way you had been hoping. The trouble with discouragement is when it over stays it’s welcome and hinders our hope. When discouragement is about to over stay it’s welcome, for me that’s when the truth of God’s word can help show discouragement the door, so to speak.

JJ Heller’s song “Your Hands” has served to remind me of the truth that when I am at my lowest point that I am never out of God’s hands.(Click song title to see her perform this song live on KLOVE)

No One Told Me There Was Going to be a Pop Quiz

I had a math teacher in high school who would give pop quizzes. He made them super easy; I think it was his way of keeping people from skipping class. He would have questions like “How many cans are in a 6 pack?” and “What color is a polar bear?” How can you not be prepared for a pop quiz like that? I had a pop quiz in one of my core waiting classes that is required for me to get my degree in waiting and I think I failed. I mean practically bombed it, really.

Jeff and I are working on dossier and we have submitted our application into the U.S Citizen and Immigration Services Office. We were waiting for our social worker to get back to us with some news about this. We were told that we should be able to get an answer the first part of this week. That made the wait last week and over the weekend no problem. The end was in sight so to speak because both Jeff and I thought that would be today, Monday. All day we waited and no news. The later in the afternoon it got the more discouraged and negative I got. To compound my negativity, our social worker is out of the office the rest of the week for Thanksgiving. So I concluded that we wouldn’t get news until next week.

Then the quiz happened, someone asked if we heard anything to which I replied “No and we probably won’t hear anything until next week now” I realized as I answered that I was in the midst of a quiz. I was not doing well but, I had an ever so slim chance that I could maybe get a passing grade. When they then said, “That sounds negative, are you being negative?” I of course answered, “Yes” The words no more left my mouth and I knew I just failed my pop quiz.

So much for, against all hope in hope Tracy believed. To add insult to injury so to speak, I think I had a clue that I might be coming upon a pop quiz today. Because, in my quite time this morning I read a devotion that started with: “Do you believe that I am able to do this?” Matthew 9:28. It then went on to say God deals with impossibilities. I was encouraged as I read that and I thought how fitting. I am reminded time and time again that we cannot do this adoption process on our own. There are so many details that without the Lord’s help and guidance I am unsure how they would all come together.When a teacher says there may be a pop quiz, one can pretty much bet there will be a pop quiz. When you are challenged to think, “Do you believe that I am able to do this?” It’s a pretty safe assume that you might get a pop quiz.

I do believe that God can do this. The struggle is to let go of my timetable. It is also a struggle to let go of the details. I know God will get us the answer, whether it is the one we want well, that remains to be seen. I also know that we will adopt. The struggle for me is, will all the details work out? I struggle worrying what if we adopt the wrong kids, clearly, I have no idea how that is possible but I at times feel that way. I sometimes worry that all my fears will happen and then, what will do? I can see that I have some more studying to do for future pop quizzes. But, I am reminded that Abraham did not start out at Romans 4:18 “Against all hope in hope Abraham believed” It was process but he got there. I am in process also and like Abraham with the Lord, I know that I will get there as well.

George Mueller a great man of faith wrote the following and I found it encouraging. I will leave you with his words in hopes that they encourage you as you prepare for your next pop quiz. ”Remember, the very time for faith to work is when our sight begins to fail. And the greater the difficulties, the easier it is for faith to work, for as long as we can see certain solutions to our problems, we will not have faith. Faith never works as easily as when our natural prospects fail.”

Is There a Major in Waiting?

When you are in high school, considering college and what would be a good major, some people tell you that you need to study something you are interested in and something you really like, maybe even love. Obviously, the theory behind this advice is that you will be spending a lot of time studying this thing and it is always easier to study something you like. As I think about that now it’s funny to me because waiting is not a topic like. As I have discussed in previous blog posts, waiting is a mixed bag and most people would eagerly pass on waiting. Yet, here I am continuing to contemplate waiting. With as much time as I have spent pondering, thinking and contemplating, the topic of waiting I feel like I am in the process of getting my masters degree, in waiting.

Recently, I have been thinking about the connection of waiting and hope. I looked up one of my favorite verses about waiting Isaiah 40:31 “but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” I found it interesting that the Hebrew word translated hope in the NIV means to wait, look for, hope, expect, to wait or look eagerly for. That is why if you look this verse up in KJV you would see wait instead of hope. This definition really got me thinking. Hope and waiting are really intertwined.

I wanted to look at another definition of hope, so I looked up another favorite verse Romans 4:18 “Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, "So shall your offspring be.” When I looked up the meaning of hope in this verse the Greek word means expectation of evil, fear expectation of good, hope. I found this meaning fascinating. It has the negative and positive meaning. Crazy as it sounds this definition gave me hope. Because, I could see Abraham in the situation feeling both, expecting the worse and expecting the best.

On the one hand Abraham had to be looking at his circumstances, he and his wife were old, and he had to be thinking, “I know God promised my offspring will be like the stars, but how? Maybe it won’t be like I thought.” But, at the same time I can picture Abraham thinking, “We may be old, but God promised my offspring would be numerous like the stars. Having a son the way we did with Ishmael wasn’t it, we have to be having a son.”

I feel like hope and waiting sometimes collide. Because let’s be truthful when were waiting it is usually for positive things. We fear the awful thing, but we are waiting, hoping for the good. When was the last time someone said, “Yep, we are waiting for it to all fall apart and be terrible.” I haven’t heard that, I usually hear people say, “We are hoping for the best.”

I think CS Lewis had it spot on when he said, “We’re not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be” I resonate with this quote even though I am uncertain of it’s meaning. To me this is saying we are hoping for the best but we know that it does not come without a cost. I guess I think of it like this Abraham and Sarah did have a son. They had the son they longed for and wanted, they had Isaac. They had to wait 25 years after God promised Abraham. It was on God’s timetable. Sometime I think we see that and think why did God do it that way? We don’t know. Sarah and Abraham did not know. They had to wait and hope. Worry would creep in and they had to remind themselves of the truth. Against all hope , in hope Abraham had to believe.

Waiting and hoping is not easy. I continue to learn that as I progress in this adoption journey. On the one hand I am like Abraham I expect the worst in this adoption journey that we won’t be able to adopt. That is not the Abraham I want to model. I want to model the expectation of good. My hope and prayer would be that against all hope in hope I will continue to believe.

What It Isn't

Have you ever gone somewhere new and you didn’t know where to find anything? Or maybe tasks that you use to know how to do are done differently? I know when I lived New Zealand, when I first moved there I did not know where anything was, not to mention the signs were in kilometers and meters. One time I asked the person who gave me directions “So can I walk that far or should I drive?” Since I had no concept of how far a meter or a kilometer was. Going to the grocery store was an adventure. It turns out in New Zealand napkins, well, they are sanitary napkins, not, the napkins I was looking for.

Surrender is a bit like I moved to a new country. I have been here before but I never really learned my way around very well. I am trying to figure out how do I live well in this place?

I have some basic ideas of course but, my struggle is to not know surrender in concept but to know surrender in the rubber meets the road living it out in the day to day. As I have been trying to figure this out, I have started to feel like I may be doing it backwards. I feel like I keep discovering all the things that most likely are not ways to live a surrendered life.

I somehow falsely, believe that surrender means that our adoption will take another 2 years, my worst-case scenario. I am not sure how or why I think this. I totally believe that God is orchestrating our adoption and I believe that we will adopt in God’s time not mine. But for some reason, I have believed or resigning myself to believe the worst-case scenario is what is going to happen. I am not certain why I do not believe the best of God.

As I have been trying navigate the surrendered life, I have realized that while I totally believe that God can do anything. I am not certain I believe that He will do it for me. Maybe it is a way to protect myself. Maybe it is one of ways the enemy can keep me defeated. Maybe it’s both, or maybe it is something else. I am not certain. But, I do know this, that is a bald face lie from the pit of hell.

This is not a lie I want to continue to believe. I am reminded in Jer 32:27 "I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me? Yes, that is the truth I want to focus on as I continue to grow in what it means to surrender our adoption to the Lord. It looks like I have learned another thing surrender is not. Which is okay because eventually all that will be left is, what it is.

Wow, I Could Have Had a V-8

Just when I thought I could not learn another thing about waiting, smack I did. Lately, it has been a lot like those V-8 commercials when they smack themselves on their forehead and say "I could have had a V-8." Except for me, it’s like "Wow, I never really thought of it like that before."

I had friend say to me, “Wow you are waiting well. It seems like it does not even bother you.” To which I replied, “What?!?”

How can it be that ANYONE would think that I am waiting well? But, then it occurred to me, she can’t see some of the torture I reserve only for my head. No one can see that I check my email 52 times an hour just to see if there is any news. No one can see that when the phone rings there is a split second that I hope it our social worker. No one can see all the thoughts that I let swirl around in my head that cause me to worry or be fearful.

I realized that part of my struggle is that I am always trying to figure it all out. Why is it taking so long? Why have we been in this process for 2 years? Do you think God is trying to prepare me for something bad?

When I go down that road, of trying to figure it all out, I then begin to brainstorm ways I can get some answers. I reason with myself telling myself that knowing is good. Knowledge is power. After all if I know then I can prepare. I’ m not against knowledge or preparing, believe me. What I do have a problem with is when these tactics are just another way of trying to be in control Ah; there it is my friend control, rearing its ugly head.

I have said it before and I will say it again there is virtually nothing you can control in the adoption process. That doesn’t keep me from trying.

It has taken me a couple of days to come to this place but I want to stop. Not stop adoption, no, no, no. I want to stop the mind games that I have let run rampant. I want to give myself over the process and stop trying to control a non-controllable situation. I feel like the baby who is so tired yet they will not go to sleep. They just won’t let themselves fall asleep. I am going to let myself fall asleep.

I have no idea why our adoption has taken so long; I have no idea how long it will take to complete our adoption. I want to stop trying to figure it out because I can’t. I realized when my friend said what she said, that I no longer want to torture my mind. I guess it took my friend saying that for me to realize the person who was making it harder for me to wait was me. Don’t get me wrong waiting is still hard and given the choice I would choose no waiting. Being the wait challenged person that I am I may even relapse for a moment. But, for now in this moment, I choose to surrender.

The Wait is Over....................Sort Of.

The wait for our background check is over! I feel like there should be a hallelujah chorus playing in the background as I write that. Our social worker requested our background checks at the beginning of September and they were on her desk today. There is no explanation as to why it took as long as it did. I, also, had no idea how happy I would be to be done waiting for this part of our adoption journey. The funny part about it is we are still waiting. However, I take comfort that we are waiting for something different. It feels like we are moving forward. Now, we must wait for our home-study to get approved, then it gets sent to USCIS (U.S Citizenship and Immigration Services) so we can work on our I600-A application, which is an application for the children, we will adopt to become US citizens. As I have said before adoption should be renamed adoptwaiting, because adoption is a process of hurry up then waiting, then hurry up then waiting.

While my waiting is nowhere near over I have learned some lessons that I hope I can apply as we move forward. First, is that I have to be careful to not inject meaning into a situation. For example, it would be easy to say, “Your background check was held up because God wanted you to __________” fill in the blank. It can be dangerous to say a statement like that. First of all, God does not make things happen to teach me lessons. I don’t think God was thinking, “Tracy needs patience so I am going to make this happen.” I think this happened and God brought good out of it by teaching me patience, but I don’t think He made it happen so that I would learn patience.

The other danger in that statement is that the person, whom the statement is said to, is left to think their behaviors could control God’s actions. A statement like the one above implies that if you accomplish whatever the “fill in the blank” is, then God would allow our background checks to come back. To me that sounds like if I do the right thing and/or learn the right lesson then God will give us our background check. I don’t know about you but to me that sounds like I can control God with what I do.

I think another implication of that statement is that God is withholding something because I am not good enough. Whew, no pressure there. Not only do I need to figure out what the “fill in the blank” is, I then have to do it. What if I guess the wrong thing? What if the “fill in the blank” would take a lifetime to accomplish? God’s character is not like that. God is not holding out on me.

Another thing I learned was the “It is well with my soul” principle. I think at times I have bought into the lie that if some of my circumstances are tough that is okay because God has something better. He does, but on this side of the grave it may not seem that way. I think I may have even thought at times that if my circumstances are truly unbearable they will get better. They may not. In fact, my circumstances may never change. But that is okay because God will give me the strength to walk through whatever happens. In Mary Beth Chapman’s book Choosing to See she does not want her precious daughter to be in heaven, but no matter how much she did not like that, it was not going to change. But, Mary Beth testifies in almost every chapter of God’s provision, His faithfulness and how this world is but our temporary home. Such circumstances as she was facing acted as laser, which allowed her to see that principle more clearly.

The final thing I learned was not so much a lesson but, reminder and that is God is God and I am not. For a recovering control freak like me trying to find a way to be in control of non-controllable situation is par for the course. Being in a situation that was so far out of my control, served as an excellent reminder that no matter what, God is in control. He was not in heaven surprised that our background check was delayed. He was not nervous wondering if we are going to be able adopt before the end of 2011. He is well aware that the tax credit expires in 2011. He is not concerned with how long we have waited verses someone else. He is not wondering if we will be able to arrange our time off, or get tickets for a good price or any of it. He knows and He has it worked out. For a recovering control freak like me I would feel better if I knew some of what He knows. No matter how much I want to know, I am on a need to know basis and God does not think I need to know. Heb 11:1 “Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”

Just Keep Swimming

I think that there are many life skills that you can learn from the movie Finding Nemo. One of my favorite lines from the movie is the one where Dory is trying to encourage Nemo by saying, “Just keep swimming” It’s a phrase that can apply to many life situations and certainly summarizes how I feel right now.

Nothing in my circumstances with our adoption had changed. No background check means no moving forward. I am not happy with nor do I like this particular circumstance. But I can say two things that have changed in the past week. First, is that I continue to learn new things as we wait. Second, is out of nowhere my hope has been renewed.

I was doing what Dory from Nemo suggested but instead of swimming I “Just kept walking”. Picture a long winding road with tall trees and lots of growth all around it. The kind of road you can only see where you are and you have no idea where the end of this road is. If you are in the middle of that road, no matter how much you want to be done, or no matter how tired you think you are, when you wake up in the morning you have to start where you last left off which, is in the middle of the road. So there is a choice to be made you can stand there and complain, or you can “Just keep walking”.

It was funny, just yesterday I realized that I felt more hopeful than I have in a little while. I think hope can be like that. One day you realize, I don’t feel as hopeless as I did before. I started to think what changed? What did I do? Then I realized I didn’t do anything. I wish I could tell you the 5-step process to my new hopeful state, but I can’t explain it. I think the best explanation is God did it.

In the book Choosing to See by Mary Beth Chapman I was reminded how God sometimes calls us to do Hard. But He does not just call us He equips, prepares, and walks with us as we do hard. God brought to my mind one of the Mexico mission trips I took the youth on. Not what I think of as one of the hardest things I had to do, but nonetheless what God brought to my mind. I remembered how everyday I had to back the 15-passenger van up out of its narrow parking spot. I don’t do reverse. I wish there was a way to communicate to you how much I avoid reversing let alone, doing it in another country, in a 15-passenger van full of students. Every one of my students knew that. Everyday the most stressful part of the day was backing up that darn van. But God got me through it. We did it.

It was in reading how God met the Chapman’s as they walked through one of the hardest things I can think of. And how He has gotten me through many tough and sometimes hard situations, that God began to renew my hope.

I know that with God I can do this. I have the hope that we will get through this part of our adoption journey. I of course hope that the end will be soon, but if it’s not I will “Just keep swimming”.

What Not to Do While Waiting

I would love to be able to write that this part of our wait in the adoption journey is over. It’s not. I would also love to write that I have come to a total peace and acceptance of our waiting during this part of the journey. I can’t. That is not to say that I don’t have moments of peace; I do. I can see the top of the hill in the area of acceptance. I have accepted, but it is begrudgingly. I have just started to fear-wonder-think that I am a good example of what NOT to do when you are faced with waiting on God.

I began to ponder what does it look like to wait well? I am not sure we have a lot of examples. I mean Abraham and Sarah waited for 25 years for their promised son. Ishmael was born because Sarah had Abraham sleep with her maidservant. That doesn’t sound like waiting well. Then Sarah laughed when the Lord said that they would have a son. I’m not sure that sounds like waiting well. Then, I thought of Elisabeth Elliot who has had an extraordinary life and in her book Passion and Purity writes about her life and waiting to marry Jim Elliot. It has been a along time since I have read that book but I think her whole point in her writing the book was as an encouragement or example to wait well.

Now I am certain they’re other examples but thus far I am not sure I want to go the road of Abraham. And clearly, I am not waiting well so following in Elisabeth footsteps is out. Now what?

I vacillate somewhere between resting in the fact that God is God, it’s all under His control, in His time and acting like there is no hope, checking my email every .5 second to see if there is an email with news. When people ask about it I am unsure how to answer. If I say not well and I am discouraged, I often get versions of the following responses “It will all be worth it”, “It’s in God’s time” “Let go and let God”. All true. All good responses but, as I said in an earlier post, (click here to read) truth while true is not always comforting. But at the same time it’s hard because I don’t want people to feel like they can’t talk as I also mused in an earlier post (click here to read). So then I sometimes pretend it’s fine, or I am not bothered, or I evade the question.

It is an interesting place to be. With everything in me I want people to see Jesus in me. I pray that when people look into my life that there are more moments that bring God Glory than not. But here I am, and if I am going to be truthful, I am not sure that I am waiting well. I think I have more moments that I am discouraged, anxious, and trying to control God with my actions than not.

But the crazy thing is at the same time, I have this belief I believe God. I know He can do what He says He can do. I can do all things through Him. His Word is alive and active in me. God does answer prayer. No and wait ARE answers. Just because the answer is not yes does not mean He loves me less or that my life is less blessed than someone else’s. Even when I can’t see it God IS at work. He is the all powerful, everlasting God, the Beginning and the End, the Alpha and the Omega. God does not base the answers to my prayers on how well I behave, I can’t control God with what I do or don’t do. God loves me more than I can comprehend. He is always with me and He will never leave me or forsake me. His power is made perfect in my weakness. I know that no matter what God is not out to harm me. It’s these truths that inspire me to keep on keeping on in my journey with Him even if it never goes my way.

Right now it’s true I think I have a better way. But as a friend reminded with this quote by J. Vernon McGee "This is God's universe and God does things his way. You may have a better way, but you don't have a universe." I may want God to do it MY way but I think more often than not, the only way his to surrender to His way. Unless, does anyone know how you go about getting a universe?

The Gift No One Wants

I have a confession to make I am a returner. In case you don’t know what a returner is, let me elaborate. A returner is someone who returns things to the store, even gifts. I can hear gasps, even though no one is in the room with me. I know it is controversial, retuning a gift. I don’t return things just to return it. I don’t do it because I am ungrateful. I don’t’ do it because I am not thankful. I do it mostly out of practical reasons. I am certain the gift giver wanted me to use the gift. I return when there is no possible way I can use said gift. I realize that is controversial as well, again I am not saying I did not like the gift. I am saying there are times when being able to return something is an okay, if not a good thing.

What I don’t like is when you can’t return a gift. Especially, when all you want to do is return it. Right now the gift I would like to return is waiting. The thing I am waiting on is our adoption. Clearly, I am over the gift of waiting. I know waiting is a gift. I do, I really do, know that. I know waiting is good. I know that when it’s all said and done it will be worth the wait. I know that I may even be glad, and thankful that I was unable to return this gift. But, I am not going to lie I don’t feel that way now, and frankly, I just want to return this gift and no one will take it back.

Wanting to return something that no one will take back well let’s just be honest it stinks. When I go somewhere else to try to return it and they say nope it can’ t be done and the share the merits of why I should not return it, I am certain they do not understand how put-a-fork-in-me-I-am-over-done with this gift. Or maybe they do know but they also know this is a non-refundable, non-exchangeable, non-returnable gift and if I keep trying to return a non-refundable, non-exchangeable, non-returnable gift this will prove to be an exercise in frustration.

I think the problem comes when even a returner, like me, knows that some gifts no matter how much we want to return them are non-refundable, non-exchangeable, non-returnable gifts. I am fairly certain that I am not the only who has ever tried to find the escape clause in a non-refundable, non-exchangeable, non-returnable gift. These gifts come in many shapes, sizes, forms, and every color imaginable.

Through the process of trying to return my non-refundable, non-exchangeable, non-returnable gift I have gained a deeper understanding than I had before. I wanted to say learn but if I learned that non-refundable, non-exchangeable, non-returnable gifts can’t be returned would I keep trying to return them?

The first understanding that I have come to is said best by Anne, from Anne of Green Gables when she said, “I know the sun will go on raising and setting whether or not I fail geometry or not, that is true but is not especially comforting. I think I’d rather it didn’t go on if I failed!” Sometimes, the truth while true is not always comforting.

The second understanding I have come to that in spite of understanding number 1, it is good to be reminded of the truth.

The final understanding, at least to date so far, as I am waiting to return my gift is said best in Isaiah 40:31 “But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew [their] strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; [and] they shall walk, and not faint.” It does not say when we wait on a thing; waiting on thing brings tiredness, discouragement and is an exercise in frustration. It is when we wait on the Lord that our strength will be renewed. The hard part about waiting on the Lord and not waiting on______ fill in the blank, is not just saying it but actually doing it and living it. I think this means the gift of waiting is mine for a while longer.

Even The Lone Ranger Had Tonto

Our church is in the middle of a study that covers many aspects of the Christian life. We have come upon the aspect, from my perspective, of community. This is a passion of mine, as I am a firm believer of doing life with other people. Doing life with people is the process of knowing others and being known by others. Being in relationship with people who say the things that need to be said but you may not want to hear and you return the favor for them. It is people who know your faults and they love you anyway but at the same time they challenge you to grow beyond your flaws. I have really come to believe that community is one way God does some of his best work in and through me.

The sad thing to me is that doing life with others is not something our culture encourages or even creates a lot of opportunity for. In fact, I think it works against it in some ways.

Our current cultures is all about fast, and a give it to me now attitude. We have microwaves, almost every kind of instant food you can think of, drive thru’s, 24-hour pharmacies and grocery stores, instant messaging, overnight delivery, faxing and email. Don’t get me wrong I l love these things, but if I am using things designed to get it done faster why do I have so much less time?

I wonder if these things designed to save us time actually make us busier because we feel like we have saved so much time, so we can do more. I am not sure that was the goal of these so-called time saving activities. I think quite the opposite is true that we need to do less. This always-need-to-be-doing-something-because-the-more-busy-I-am-the-more-I produce-the-better-I-must-be-attitude is not so conducive to doing life with anyone.

Doing life with others when you are traveling a hundred miles an hour is difficult. I learned this the hard way, I missed a lot of my life by being so scheduled I had no time to do things that just popped up. I also missed moments. You know the moments in life that are special and usually they show up in your life unannounced and unscheduled. But being busy and scheduled it was hard to be in the moment and enjoy them, because I had to be conscience of the next thing I had to get to or get done. The thing about moments is, that once they are gone, they are gone.

I think it’s in those moments that God can do much in and through me and I do not want to miss them. I want the chance to do life with others. This was such a timely reminder to me as I just this weekend sat across the table from a dear friend and actually said, “I’m starting think I am not doing enough with my life and that I need to do more.” Even as I wrote those words I laughed out loud. What a bald-face-lie-from-the-pit-of-hell. My friend reminded me of this. She also reminded me that even so called “good things” could keep me so busy I miss the moments of my life. I was also reminded, some of the best moments I have had, in doing life with others aren’t the ones I plan or schedule. But they happen when I am not looking. I have strengthened my resolve to keep busy at bay, so I can take advantage of them when they show up.

To Speak Or Not To Speak

I should have seen it coming. On Saturday, I had the privilege to go and hear Beth Moore. I was excited. She introduced the topic she was going to focus on for the day. Proverbs 31:26 “She opens her mouth with wisdom and kindness is on her tongue” UM really? On her tongue is the law of a kindness? Oh dear, the Lord is doing it again. Having me run into the message of speaking kind or watching my words. Oh my, and I was praying that my focus would not be on waiting on our adoption. This not exactly what I had mind. J

All day Beth talked about kindness. Not just speaking kind but acting kind as well. While I was convicted, at the same time I was encouraged. As we left with her message fresh on my heart and mind, I committed to begin to implement these truths. Little did I know.

I arrived at church as I do most Sunday’s later than I had hoped. I went to sit down in the sanctuary prepared to worship. Then I see her. My kryptonite, if you will, when it comes to living out the law of kindness. I really don’t want to miss the sermon just because my kryptonite is there. I work to keep my focus and my eyes (literally) on the Lord and what is happening up front, not on who is around me. For most of the time I am able to shut out the fact that my kryptonite is near by. Even so, I can feel, I don’t know what to call it, something begin to rise within me.

By the end of the service this something, I think sin may be a good thing to call it, has almost consumed me. Everything in me wants to be unkind to them. I mean everything. I tell my friend next to me, who was at Beth Moore, to pray for me because everything in me wants to be unkind to this person.

The more I think about it, the more I feel I have “the right” to be unkind. I know that this feeling is a lie. After I combat that lie, another creeps in tempting me to plan my unkind words. I remember a pastor once speaking about people planning sin, and thinking, “I don’t do that.” I do believe planning the unkind, mean words to say to another qualifies as planning sin.

I had no idea that on the day after I commit to be kind there would be a test. I felt as though I have not had enough time with the material. I haven’t studied and I feel underprepared.

As those thought pass through my mind, I remember that I don’t have to do this on my own strength. I have the Lord’s strength and his secret weapon the Holy Spirit, if I choose to use them and let them be in control. The Lord does not expect me to do it on my own. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says “But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.”

Even in this truth the temptation is for me to take the credit, and think “Yes, aren’t I grand I withstood the temptation using the power of God.” The truth is I was given this power to withhold my planned unkind words NOT to bring glory or attention to me, but to bring glory my God.

People who know me, know that I could not do anything like that in of my own power. So if you ever see me walk away from an opportunity to use unkind words, remember it’s not me it’s Him who is in me. Thank you Lord!

If You Don't Have Something Nice to Say.......

Words are a funny business aren’t they? I couldn’t agree more with James 3:10 “Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.” My mouth or tongue, as James is referring to, is guilty as charged. It has led unabashedly in verbalizing things that are better left unsaid. At the same time it has spoken words of hope and healing. It’s a crazy thing words.

I say this because right now I am pondering being on the wrong end of receiving words that were said with no malice yet were piercing none the less. So then in woundedness I contemplate making a list of words that are not kind to say to say to someone who is adopting. Surely, that will solve the problem my hurt heart thinks.

But then I remembered, when my mom died the same thing happened to me then. Some words were spoken that were hurtful. Should I make a list for that? Well then I thought of my friend who is single and had the same thing happen to her. Should there be a list for that? The more I think about it the more I think there are many situations where people say words that end up being hurtful. The situations could be anything, divorce, death, illness, infertility, pregnancy, job loss, children with special needs, disabilities the list could go on. It makes my mind spin. There would be so many lists, there would be little left to say. I am not certain that’s entirely the answer.

So then I started to think maybe it’s just me I am being over sensitive. No doubt that there are situations where I need to let words roll off my back like water off a duck. But at the same time I am not exactly certain that is entirely the answer either.

Maybe it’s a combination of things. Do a little more of what our mothers said “If you don’t have something nice to say don’t say anything at all.” Get a bit thicker skin. Believe the best in what people are trying to say, although this can be hard as even the best-intentioned words can be hurtful. Think before speaking. Remembering not everyone has had the same experiences as me. So before speaking, asking the question “Would someone who had a different experience find these words helpful or hurtful?” Say less. For a person who uses 20 words when 10 would have been just fine saying less can be a novel idea. I think Job’s friends were on it when they did not speak to him for 7 days because his grief was so great.

These can be hard things to do. The more I thought about it the more I thought holy, moly mackerel selfishness and pride can keep me from doing any of these things. Selfishness and pride say things like: what I have to say should be heard, why should I have to think before I talk I always say the right thing, people need to think more about me and what they say to me, people want to hear what I have to say, and my personal favorite I’m different.

While my pondering did not bring me to 5 easy steps on what not to say, so I could give it to everyone and therefore spare further hurt feelings to anyone. It did remind for every time I have been on the receiving end of hurtful words. I have been on the perpetrating end of saying hurtful words. That thought is highly motivating because all though I can’t stop others from saying hurtful words I can work on stopping me.

Tales of a Control Freak in Recovery

I am a recovering control freak and for me, the whole adoption processes, has been another part of my recovery processes. I say recovering control freak because being in control is something I still struggle with wanting. Which is funny because I know that control is just an illusion, that even when I think I am in control I am not really. I know that God is control and I want him to be. I believe that truth but unfortunately what I live out, well, that tells a different story. Because even though I believe the above truth in my head, this truth is making it’s way in tiny bits and very slowly to my heart. I have learned that what we live out shows what we really believe. Saying we believe something just shows that we can say it, NOT that we believe it.

The truth about who is control in my life was challenged this week when our social worker called Jeff. She told him that the main office of our adoption agency wanted us to refill out the preliminary international adoption application. She did not explain why and Jeff did not think to ask. I wanted to know why? In the absence of that knowledge my mind went haywire. What does this mean? Are we not allowed to adopt form Ethiopia? How could that be? We were originally approved to adopt from there. Will we not be allowed to pursue the sibling group we were hoping to pursue? I attempted to remember that God is control not me and this was NOTHING to get worried about.

Clearly, that lasted 2 minutes. The need to gain the upper hand and be in control was strong. For me sometimes that shows in self in my need for knowledge to know what is going on or that everything will be okay. I had to call our social worker and find out for myself what was up. I had to leave a voicemail and being the Friday before Labor Day weekend I figured my chances of her calling me back were not good. In desperation I tried to get others to assure me all would be okay. At that moment, it was not enough for me to trust that God was in control; I wanted to know that it was going to all work out.

This situation also brought to light an aspect of my struggle to let God be in control is my fear that he won’t do what I want him to. It’s not necessarily because I think I know what is best. It’s crazy isn’t? This is control mixed with a bit of fear of the unknown, and a smidgen of pride.

The beauty of God is even though I was behaving badly. He was gracious and our social worker did call me back. She answered my questions, which put my fears to rest. She also shared a bit of potential good news. It looks as though we may be able to move forward in pursuing the sibling group we were looking at. That is exciting and exactly what I was hoping to hear.

At the same time, there was a corner of my mind that had fear; wait is this really what we want to do? Isn’t funny when we get the news that things look favorable and that things may work out just the way we hoped, we think wait is this really the best? It makes me laugh out loud. What good is being in control if I am not certain that I know what is the best? Ah, and there it is I don’t know what is best. Which is always leads me to remember God does. He alone is God and I am not. This is a truth I continue to practice living not just saying.

What a Difference a Week Makes

When Jeff and I started the adoption process we started pursuing international adoption. It is something I have always wanted to do. Especially the part of adopting a sibling group i.e. sisters, brothers or brothers and sisters. They can be difficult to place and well I have always wanted to do that. Once we started the mountains of paper work, otherwise known as the adoption process, we realized that there were some barriers, which at the time did not seem that we could overcome. So we began pursuing domestic adoption.

During this part of our wait I read a lot. ….. On a side note sometimes I think it should be called adoptwaiting because so much of the process is waiting….back to my other thought reading….. I read things I liked, things I didn’t. I read things I agreed with and things I didn’t. As I have said before in another blog the waiting was a gift. I did not always, nor even now, do I always see it that way, but it was/is. I learned and grew. God did and continues to work in my life.

Then a little over a week ago as I was reading about the waiting children our adoption agency has, it’s a place I checked often just in case there might be siblings internationally we could pursue. This time when I checked there was a sibling group that we met all the qualifications of that country and might be able to pursue adopting. Jeff and I inquired about them to find out more information. Since the time Jeff and I started this adoptwaiting some key barriers to international adoption had been knocked down. In attempting to pursue this sibling group we decided that even if we could not get these sibling that maybe we could adopt other siblings. That is when international adoption made it’s way back into our adoption journey or adoptwaiting as the case may be.

Last Monday as I wrote this blog we were still pursuing domestic adoption and now here we are moving forward to adopt from Ethiopia. What a difference a week makes.

That’s the crazy thing about my journey with the Lord. I’m telling him what is going on, how I really would like to see-fill in the blank with whatever I am praying for at the time- and when I look out into the horizon I don’t see a glimmer of change. I get discouraged. Then the next day when I look there it is. It wasn’t there a moment ago and now it is. How easy it is for me to forget that just because nothing is in the horizon doesn’t mean, there isn’t something out there. I just can’t see it yet. Ah there it is again, the crux, seeing it. How easy is it to have faith in what I can see or what I know. 1 Cor 5:7 “We live by faith, not by sight.” It’s not the other way around is it? Live by sight, not faith. I sure sometime wish it was. Yet, I’m always challenged by the thought is it faith if I know what is going to happen? Better yet, is it faith if I am only trusting God to not let what I don’t want to happen, happen? HMMM…..

Encouraging Words

I know the story below was written with the journey of parenthood in mind, but I think that it can apply to almost any situation, finding the perfect job or a church, and even a good friend. It could apply to living with an illness, to raising children, to getting married or having a great marriage. I know for me this story so captures how I feel when I feel that I am in the middle of, between where I am and where I hope to be. Today is the kind of day when my heart, who feels like we will never get to the other side of our adoption journey, has trouble believing the truth that my head keeps trying to send to down. On days like this it’s the words of truth in this story that helps my heart along. Maybe it can help your heart too.

Step by Step

Visualize strolling through a peaceful forest with the Lord Jesus at your side. You are on a journey to the land where hopes and dreams are fulfilled. As the sunlight filters through the trees you think to yourself, Life couldn't be more perfect! Surely this is what the Lord meant when he said he had come to give us more abundant life! You are sharing with him your hope of becoming a mother soon and thanking him for creating you a woman and giving you the privilege of conceiving and bearing new life.

But suddenly, you begin to hear the rush of water and, as you come to a clearing in the trees, you see a wide and roaring river. Your heart stops! You need to get to the other side. That's where your hopes and dreams will become reality. You feel panic and frustration rising within you. You begin running frantically up and down the shoreline looking for a way to get across to the other side. You see your future waiting for you over there, but there's no way to reach it. You begin to call for help, hoping someone in a boat will hear you and take you across. You feel so alone. Where are your friends and family when you need them the most?

You begin to stomp your foot and beat your fists against the nearest tree. You shout, "What's happening? Five minutes ago I was so happy - now this!" You throw yourself down on the bank. You feel as though your heart has been torn out and thrown into the murky water, to be washed away downstream in the foam.

The tears continue to fall for days, weeks, years it seems. But, finally, out of total brokenness you begin to look for the friend you abandoned at first sight of that horrible river. You don't take many steps before you see him sitting there. As your eyes meet his, your very soul suddenly overflows with feelings of love, peace, and acceptance.

"I've been waiting for you," he says. "I know the way across the river. Will you trust me to deliver you safely to the other side?" Words cannot form in your mouth, so you silently slip your hand into his, assuring him that yes, you are ready.

He begins to lead you along the shoreline and it isn't long before you see a path across the water leading to the other side. Stones! A path of stepping stones! Why hadn't you seen those before? Finally, there is a bridge across the troubled waters. There, just waiting for you, are the hopes and dreams of a lifetime.

He steps out first. How comforting it is to know that he goes before you. Time passes slowly. It seems you've been stepping from stone to stone for a very long time, so you strain to see around your leader, wanting to know how much farther you have to go. In doing so, you lose your balance and slip off the rock into the churning water. He quickly turns, reaches down, and draws you out of danger. You're thankful he doesn't rebuke you for your impatience and lack of trust in his ability and promise to get you safely to the other side. He just smiles and says, "Follow me!"

As time drags on you again begin to wonder when you'll ever reach your destination. You think to yourself, If I look back to see how far we have come, maybe that will encourage me to keep the faith. So you stop and look behind you.

You can't believe your eyes! You look to the left and then to the right! There are people behind you—men and women all plodding along on paths to get to the other side. Where did they all come from?, your heart cries. Where were they when I felt so alone?

You position yourself on the stone beneath you so you can see these fellow travelers more clearly. You begin to realize that not all pathways are the same. Some paths seem shorter than others. Some are straight and others crooked. Just to your left you see a woman practically running across her stones, not taking the careful, slow steps you must take in order not to slip or fall. Why, her stones are much closer together than yours - no wonder! How unfair! She will reach the other side long before you will and you started out before she did!

You decide you must speak to the Lord about this. You carefully turn forward again and there he stands, on the stone right in front of yours - patiently waiting for you to continue your journey. You are surprised at the bitter and selfish words that flow out of your mouth but, after all, "This isn't fair!" He listens and, when you are finished, gently says, "The stones I have chosen for your brothers and sisters are not your concern. You follow me!" He stretches out his hand and once again you relinquish your hand into his care and allow him to guide you across.

It seems forever, but you finally reach the other side. As you wearily step onto the bank you look behind you. Your heart is filled with compassion for those still stepping from stone to stone. You hear the Lord say, "My child, if you could share with them how to make their journey easier, their burden lighter, what would you tell them?"

Thinking for a moment you reply, "Lord, I'd tell them that even though the stones you have chosen for them seem too many in number or too far apart for their stride, if they will only keep their hand in your hand, neither looking to the left nor to the right, but gazing steadfastly in front of them, then you will guide them safely over each stone until they reach the desires of their hearts."

-Janet Malcom

The View From The Middle

Several months ago I started to read an adoption discussion board. I was searching for others who were going through a similar experience and I thought maybe I could learn something. Well that is how it started anyway. Now it’s kind of like a train wreck, you don’t want to look but you can’t help it. I can’t seem to miss doing it. There have even been times when I have thought; “I should stop doing this” because reading it has made me more discouraged than encouraged. I have not posted anything or even joined in on the discussion. I am more of a lurker.

While I have been lurking, I have found those whom I agree with and those who I don’t. I have learned things. I been challenged but at the same time it has been well, rather discouraging. I mean there are times when I read that board and it seems as though there is no hope. There are no happy adoptions. The adoptive kids are deeply troubled, natural moms who are miserable and adoptive moms are all yucky. That’s when I think, “I should stop reading this.” But other times I think, “I should keep reading this because maybe I am missing something and this will help me.” After all, I don’t want to be an uneducated, ignorant adoptive parent. At the same time, I think I keep reading because I am looking for the hope in it all. It’s the same thing that keeps me watching a bad movie because I am certain that the movie has got to get better.

It is this very characteristic that is contributing to my current fascination with Rahab the prostitute, from the book of Joshua. I love that Rahab is not just Rahab; she has “the prostitute” attached to her name. What a thing to live with, being a prostitute. What I love most about Rahab is what happened to her later in her life. She is mentioned in the genealogy of Jesus. Matthew 1:5 says “Salmon the father of Boaz, whose mother was Rahab, Boaz the father of Obed, whose mother was Ruth, Obed the father of Jesse,” When I read that verse I realized several things.

First, “the prostitute” part of her name is not mentioned. Second, she marries and has a son. Third, her son is Boaz, who is very important in the life of Ruth. Finally, Ruth and Boaz have a son Jesse, Rahab’s great grandson, who is the father of David.

To me that is very exciting stuff, Rahab who was a prostitute, marries, that in of itself is awesome. But not only does she marry but she also has a son who turns out be a pretty awesome guy. And, she is in the family tree of Jesus to boot. To me that is the ultimate story of hope. I mean If God can do that in her life surely he can do that in anyone life’s. Well I suppose anyone who lets HIM be in charge of his or her life, i.e. letting God be in control.

This where I come back to the adoption discussion blog, if God can do all of this in the life Rahab surely He can do similar things in adoptive families. Right!?

I realize that the redemption and transformation of Rahab’s life was not easy. This is not a fairy tale. There is no telling the amount of struggle, pain, difficulties, tears, and times I’m sure that Rahab thought, “Prostitution has to be better than this.” But, at the same time there is no mention of the joy, happiness, laughter, and love either. We see her beginning and her end. The middle of the story is well; it’s kind of missing. Of course without the Lord, Rahab would have never gotten to where she ended up, but other than that fact we have little else to help us see how Rahab got to where she got. Maybe if I knew her middle there would be times when part of her transformation story would be discouraging. HMMM maybe with these discussion boards I’m just getting too much of the middle of the story. I am not always aware of the beginnings, and I have not read many endings.

I had the idea that the road to parenthood and the process of actually being a parent is not an easy road for anyone. There are bumps; bruises and trails where it seems like you are the only one. The road to parenthood through adoption and being an adoptive parent, while well traveled, is not quite as heavily populated as other roads. This does not make the road any more difficult, just unique and there may be fewer who are able to be road guides.

So I’m wondering, while I have learned a lot on the discussion boards maybe these are not the road guides for me. Maybe they have different maps and I thought since we are all somewhere in the adoption process we all had the same map. Maybe they are my guides and I am just too much in the middle of my process to see that. This will be an interesting story to see the end of.