Life Lessons I Learned While Making Caramel

I love to bake, especially at Christmas time. So when I was invited to take part of a cookie bake I was all in. The plan was for all of us to make a different kind of cookie and then share, so we all got a good mix of cookies. I wanted to try something new so I decided to make caramels. Little did I know what I was getting into.

Since we were sharing cookies I decided to double the recipe. I wanted everyone to have many caramels to share. The directions were fairly simple stir constantly until boiling and then heat until it reaches 245 degrees on a candy thermometer. How bad could that be?

The others had moved on to frosting or making their second cookie and I was still stirring. I was beginning to regret the choice of making caramels. In fact, at one point I decided to never try to make caramels again! A solid hour and a half later I was on the verge of done!

So there I was minding my own business stirring those caramels when it hit me. There are some great life lessons to be learned from making caramel.

The first thing I realized was that sometimes there are no short cuts. Stirring those caramels to boiling and then to the proper temperature was the only way to get great tasting caramel. If I would have stopped early, the batter would have been runny and not at all a good caramel. It helped me to remember that sometimes in life no matter how much I want to find a shorter way to complete the task I have started. The only way is to see it through to the end.

The second thing was that good things are worth the wait. That particular phrase is a mixed bag for me because on the one hand being told the long wait and process towards our adoption will all be worth it, is not always comforting. On the other hand, not everything in baking or life for that matter can be obtained in a short amount of time.

The last thing I learned was that cooling and cutting the caramel into pieces was just as much a part of the processes as the cooking. At one point I thought I would be stirring all afternoon. That everyone else would finish her cookies; leave and I would still be stirring. Of course that did not happen. But, as I was in the midst of stirring and stirring and stirring some more, I forgot the best part. Cooling and cutting the caramel into pieces, which is of course the only way caramel can be eaten and enjoyed.

It is easy for me to forget that all this paper work will be done. Once that happens and it gets sent to Ethiopia, we wait for a referral. When we get a referral, we wait for a court date when we get to meet our children and legally become their parents. After that we come home and wait for an embassy appointment. When we have an embassy appointment we are then able to go back to Ethiopia and the kids will be able to become US citizens. At that time they will be able to travel home with us. All this to say, there is so much more exciting things to come in our process then waiting for papers and chasing papers. But like stirring the caramel, the task at hand becomes so tedious, so tiring, so like it is never going to end, that you can forget that it leads to something better yet to come.

All that stirring produced some good tasting caramel. If I had taken a short cut, or stopped early the caramel would have not turned out. Isn’t that just how things in life are? Just when you think you cannot possibly stir another minute. You are done. When that happens you begin to be able to enjoy the fruit of all the stirring. I look forward to when I can be done stirring.

Gift or Giver

Have you ever read a page in a book and what is being written sticks with you? It continues to stick in your mind even though it has been a couple of days since you read it or you have read numerous other things. That’s exactly what happened to me. It happened when I was reading one of the devotions from Streams in the Deseret.

There have been many devotions from this book that have stuck with me. But this particular one started with talking about how it’s easy to worship when everything is going well and there is abundance. But when it all starts to fall apart will “our heart still sing”(pg 460)? It goes on to challenge if we are able to do this then we can “know that I desire not the gift but the Giver” (pg 460).

I have been thinking about that statement since I read it. Do I love God or do I love what God gives me? Or even what He can do for me? It is a challenging thought.

Of course, in mind I thought the answer was yes. But then I remembered Peter. Peter is one of the followers of Jesus. He tells Jesus that he would follow Him anywhere even if it meant going to prison or even his own death. Jesus was so kind to Peter. He told him that the very day Peter said those words that he would deny Him 3 times before the rooster crowed. Peter denied it; he was animate, no way Lord not going to happen. Yet we know that is not how it played out. The rooster crowed just after Peter claimed to not know Christ for the 3^rd time.

Now call me crazy, but I find comfort in that. Why? Well, it reminds me that we are all human. I mean if Peter who actually followed Jesus and witnessed all that He did can deny him. Well, then that gives me hope. Hope that if God used Peter in such a powerful way certainly He can use me.

Another reason I find it comforting is well Peter already denied Christ, so when I mess up I am not the first one. I am not the only one. I have not ruined everything. God can still work in and through me. Look at what how He used Peter. He called him his Rock.

In pride when I first read, “know that I desire not the gift but the Giver”, I thought of course I love God more than what He can give me. But then I remembered Peter. Peter who said one thing with his words in one set of circumstances and who lived out and said something different in another set of circumstances.

It may be easy in this moment right now when I am not faced with a prayer that has been answered no. To say yes, I love God for who is not what He gives. But when confronted with a prayer that has been answered no. Well that may be a different story.

Jeff and I are praying that we will be able to successfully adopt. If the answer is no, and we are never able to adopt will I still love God for who is? I pray that my answer will be yes. How about you if God says no, to a very important prayer maybe it is for more children, a better job, healing from a particular disease, less children, a house, or whatever it may be what would your answer be?

Nobody Wants to Put Their Foot In Their Mouth

The adoption process has stretched and grown me in more ways than I could have ever imagined. As a self-confessed person who frequently just opens her mouth to change feet, the adoption process has been a surprising teacher regarding my sensitivity about what I say to others. That is one of the reasons I blog, to share some of things I have learned or am in process of learning, because many of the things I have learned can be applied to many different life situations. Today, my focus is on sharing what things may not be the best choice of words to say to an adoptive or in my case potential adoptive parent (AP or PAP). Now I must preface this, by laying the following ground rules:

1. If you have said one of the things on the list, no guilt involved. The person you said it to has forgotten it and moved on. Just file this away for future reference. I most likely, prior to being a potential adoptive parent (PAP), may have said one of these things.
2. I am just trying to raise awareness. I would much rather learn what not to say before I say it then my usual, well-I-know-not-to-say-that, way of learning.
3. Refer back to A & B

So with that said here are a couple of things that may be best left unsaid, or said with different words

• Don’t you want to have real children?

I think a better word here might be biological children. Adoptive kids are real kids.

• Can you have biological children?

This depends on the person and the relationship you have with the person you are asking. If you are not close/good friend, I would say, don’t ask.

• When people find out you are adopting they share the following: My friend, or cousin, or uncles’ nieces’ cousin adopted and then proceeds to tell the story of an awful situation and all the terrible things that happened.

Sometimes there are adoptions that go awry, but then there are also situations where it goes awry with biological children. Good news does not make the news. There are many, many more stories of adoption situations that are fine with nothing awful about them then there are of the adoption horror stories.

• How much does it cost?

Unless volunteered, I think this falls into the, you don’t ask someone how much money they make at their job category. If you really are interested you can Google it and get a good idea. I am thankful for Google I have learned a lot from it.

• Once you adopt you’ll get pregnant.

The percentage of people who adopt and then get pregnant is low. I have heard 3% and I have read 6% either way not good odds. However, being a fan of God could do anything; I have always wanted a reason to be on the Today show. Usually people end up on that show for awful things sometimes good things I would love to be on there for a good thing like this.

• You are so great to adopt.

I am a hopeful parent just like any other couple trying to have kids, I just happen to be adopting to grow my family. I am not sure that qualifies in the category of wonderful.

I discussed in a previous blog (click here) how it is hard to make lists of things you should and should not say to people. This is merely an attempt to help better prepare me and anyone else who might read this blog for any future encounters with adoptive or potential adoptive parents.