The wait for our background check is over! I feel like there should be a hallelujah chorus playing in the background as I write that. Our social worker requested our background checks at the beginning of September and they were on her desk today. There is no explanation as to why it took as long as it did. I, also, had no idea how happy I would be to be done waiting for this part of our adoption journey. The funny part about it is we are still waiting. However, I take comfort that we are waiting for something different. It feels like we are moving forward. Now, we must wait for our home-study to get approved, then it gets sent to USCIS (U.S Citizenship and Immigration Services) so we can work on our I600-A application, which is an application for the children, we will adopt to become US citizens. As I have said before adoption should be renamed adoptwaiting, because adoption is a process of hurry up then waiting, then hurry up then waiting.
While my waiting is nowhere near over I have learned some lessons that I hope I can apply as we move forward. First, is that I have to be careful to not inject meaning into a situation. For example, it would be easy to say, “Your background check was held up because God wanted you to __________” fill in the blank. It can be dangerous to say a statement like that. First of all, God does not make things happen to teach me lessons. I don’t think God was thinking, “Tracy needs patience so I am going to make this happen.” I think this happened and God brought good out of it by teaching me patience, but I don’t think He made it happen so that I would learn patience.
The other danger in that statement is that the person, whom the statement is said to, is left to think their behaviors could control God’s actions. A statement like the one above implies that if you accomplish whatever the “fill in the blank” is, then God would allow our background checks to come back. To me that sounds like if I do the right thing and/or learn the right lesson then God will give us our background check. I don’t know about you but to me that sounds like I can control God with what I do.
I think another implication of that statement is that God is withholding something because I am not good enough. Whew, no pressure there. Not only do I need to figure out what the “fill in the blank” is, I then have to do it. What if I guess the wrong thing? What if the “fill in the blank” would take a lifetime to accomplish? God’s character is not like that. God is not holding out on me.
Another thing I learned was the “It is well with my soul” principle. I think at times I have bought into the lie that if some of my circumstances are tough that is okay because God has something better. He does, but on this side of the grave it may not seem that way. I think I may have even thought at times that if my circumstances are truly unbearable they will get better. They may not. In fact, my circumstances may never change. But that is okay because God will give me the strength to walk through whatever happens. In Mary Beth Chapman’s book Choosing to See she does not want her precious daughter to be in heaven, but no matter how much she did not like that, it was not going to change. But, Mary Beth testifies in almost every chapter of God’s provision, His faithfulness and how this world is but our temporary home. Such circumstances as she was facing acted as laser, which allowed her to see that principle more clearly.
The final thing I learned was not so much a lesson but, reminder and that is God is God and I am not. For a recovering control freak like me trying to find a way to be in control of non-controllable situation is par for the course. Being in a situation that was so far out of my control, served as an excellent reminder that no matter what, God is in control. He was not in heaven surprised that our background check was delayed. He was not nervous wondering if we are going to be able adopt before the end of 2011. He is well aware that the tax credit expires in 2011. He is not concerned with how long we have waited verses someone else. He is not wondering if we will be able to arrange our time off, or get tickets for a good price or any of it. He knows and He has it worked out. For a recovering control freak like me I would feel better if I knew some of what He knows. No matter how much I want to know, I am on a need to know basis and God does not think I need to know. Heb 11:1 “Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”
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