What Not to Do While Waiting

I would love to be able to write that this part of our wait in the adoption journey is over. It’s not. I would also love to write that I have come to a total peace and acceptance of our waiting during this part of the journey. I can’t. That is not to say that I don’t have moments of peace; I do. I can see the top of the hill in the area of acceptance. I have accepted, but it is begrudgingly. I have just started to fear-wonder-think that I am a good example of what NOT to do when you are faced with waiting on God.

I began to ponder what does it look like to wait well? I am not sure we have a lot of examples. I mean Abraham and Sarah waited for 25 years for their promised son. Ishmael was born because Sarah had Abraham sleep with her maidservant. That doesn’t sound like waiting well. Then Sarah laughed when the Lord said that they would have a son. I’m not sure that sounds like waiting well. Then, I thought of Elisabeth Elliot who has had an extraordinary life and in her book Passion and Purity writes about her life and waiting to marry Jim Elliot. It has been a along time since I have read that book but I think her whole point in her writing the book was as an encouragement or example to wait well.

Now I am certain they’re other examples but thus far I am not sure I want to go the road of Abraham. And clearly, I am not waiting well so following in Elisabeth footsteps is out. Now what?

I vacillate somewhere between resting in the fact that God is God, it’s all under His control, in His time and acting like there is no hope, checking my email every .5 second to see if there is an email with news. When people ask about it I am unsure how to answer. If I say not well and I am discouraged, I often get versions of the following responses “It will all be worth it”, “It’s in God’s time” “Let go and let God”. All true. All good responses but, as I said in an earlier post, (click here to read) truth while true is not always comforting. But at the same time it’s hard because I don’t want people to feel like they can’t talk as I also mused in an earlier post (click here to read). So then I sometimes pretend it’s fine, or I am not bothered, or I evade the question.

It is an interesting place to be. With everything in me I want people to see Jesus in me. I pray that when people look into my life that there are more moments that bring God Glory than not. But here I am, and if I am going to be truthful, I am not sure that I am waiting well. I think I have more moments that I am discouraged, anxious, and trying to control God with my actions than not.

But the crazy thing is at the same time, I have this belief I believe God. I know He can do what He says He can do. I can do all things through Him. His Word is alive and active in me. God does answer prayer. No and wait ARE answers. Just because the answer is not yes does not mean He loves me less or that my life is less blessed than someone else’s. Even when I can’t see it God IS at work. He is the all powerful, everlasting God, the Beginning and the End, the Alpha and the Omega. God does not base the answers to my prayers on how well I behave, I can’t control God with what I do or don’t do. God loves me more than I can comprehend. He is always with me and He will never leave me or forsake me. His power is made perfect in my weakness. I know that no matter what God is not out to harm me. It’s these truths that inspire me to keep on keeping on in my journey with Him even if it never goes my way.

Right now it’s true I think I have a better way. But as a friend reminded with this quote by J. Vernon McGee "This is God's universe and God does things his way. You may have a better way, but you don't have a universe." I may want God to do it MY way but I think more often than not, the only way his to surrender to His way. Unless, does anyone know how you go about getting a universe?