Expecations

Have you ever tried to not have an expectation? Saying it sounds easy right? Everyone knows that expectations that don’t get met can lead to disappointment. So it seems that there is general consensus that says be wary of setting expectations too high, or that you are uncertain of how they will be able to be met.

At the beginning of February we received an update on our younger son. It was a huge surprise and so unexpected. I did not think we would get an update so soon, as we had just been matched with the boys on January 13. Our adoption agency, Bethany Christian Services, sends updates on your children. They include pictures and summaries of all that they are doing, how they growing and how they are doing developmentally. We only got an update on our younger son in February. We found out that they do updates on children under 3 every month and children over 3 every other month. Even though, our update had been unexpected, the expectation we would get one in March for both boys began to grow.

The moment I realized I was creating an expectation I told myself that it is not a good idea to do this. The funny thing about expectations is that they are born out of hope. Hope is not bad. Where hope gets me into trouble is when it becomes an expectation. One way I look at expectations is that they are “must haves” with deadlines. Once I have a “must have” with a deadline I am in trouble. “Must haves” with deadlines, run into difficulty because that the parameters in which my “must have” can be met is often pretty narrow. And in my life when this happens that is an excellent breeding ground for disappointment to grow.

The only predictable thing about international adoptwaiting is that it is unpredictable. So I knew that just because we received our first update On February 2, in no way was a guarantee we would receive an update in March. I know of many families who have waited several months before receiving updates or who did not receive updates every month.

So as February was coming to a close the expectation that we would get an update at the beginning of March started to grow. But at the same time, I reminded myself to not expect that it would happen at the beginning of March. But then at the same time I remembered that our first update came on the 2^nd so surely our next update would come on the 2^nd as well. But at the same time I reminded myself that there were no guarantees that they would come. Then at the same time I thought I don’t want myself to not have hope. Everybody needs hope. But at the same time I thought I needed to not let my hope grow into an expectation. With all those thoughts wandering around in my head it was a wonder I could think about anything else let alone accomplish anything else!

Then today out of a nowhere we received an email from our social worker with updates on both boys! I am not going to lie it was quite unexpected; today was the only March 1. What a blessings to have pictures of both boys and glimpse into their daily lives and their personalities. I was so excited I pretty much asked okay I was told by coworkers I forced, people to look at the pictures of my boys.

The longer I continue down the adoptwaiting path the more the Lord teaches me and grows me. I have a feeling April will provide an excellent opportunity for the Lord to help me to have hope without letting it turn into expectations.