It was just another ordinary morning and I was trying to get ready quickly because Jeff and I had to leave shortly. I walked into my family room to put on make-up and watch the news, then I saw it. The picture on our secretary desk it was falling over. Well that’s weird, I thought. When I went to fix it I realized it was wet, and I thought how did this get wet and I realized the top to the desk was wet. It was early and I couldn’t process why everything was wet fast enough and then I saw water dripping the down the wall. I started to panic a little bit. I moved the desk away from the wall and saw that the paint that had been swelled with water all the way down to the carpet. Everything was wet, the desk, the wall, the carpet, the framed embroidery of our wedding date. UGH! Then my brain got it and I realized the roof is probably leaking.
In stressful situations my thoughts run a mile a minute. What are we going to do? How much do roofs cost? I don’t have time for this, we have to go and we can’t be late. Are we supposed to stay and figure out what is happening? We are never going to be able to sell our house. What if it keeps raining? As all of these thoughts ran through my head as I called Jeff’s name. He came, looked and confirmed the roof was leaking.
Later that afternoon, Jeff and a friend examined and assessed the roof situation; a new roof was in order. Not ever having to buy a roof, I goggled, how much does it cost to replace your roof? The numbers were not encouraging. My mind went into a mile a minute mode. How are we going to pay for this? Jeff just signed up for his seminary class how will we pay for both? What if something else happens? Will we be able to save any of the money we have to put out for all of this? What if we can’t? No one will ever buy our house and we will lose the money we put down it. It’s amazing how quickly I went from just needing a roof to being destitute and having nowhere to live in a matter of seconds all in mind.
Just after I had myself convinced that we were on the road to being destitute God reminded me of Philippians 4:19 “And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” That was comforting. My mind was instantly tempted to think everything would be fixed and everything would be back to the way it was.
Then I remembered that God meeting my needs doesn’t necessarily mean I won’t experience discomfort. Even though I wish it did. It does not always mean He will meet my needs in the way I think He should. Even, if I think my way is best. It also does not mean that I have to figure it all out. It would not say “My God” will meet all my needs if I was the one who had to figure it all out or if I had to have the means to meet all of my needs without worry. It does mean that I have to depend on God. It does mean that I have to trust God. Ah, there is the crux. Trusting God. I was challenged with the questions; am I trusting God if there is nothing I have to trust Him for? If I am trusting Him to not let what I am afraid of, not happen is that really trusting Him? Then it hit me, trusting God involves my giving up control, which is something I love to hold on to, to him. Well, that seems to be theme in my life doesn’t it?
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