Winter and Road Construction

Since moving to Illinois I have heard the joke about 2 seasons in Illinois, winter and road construction. It’s one thing to joke but it is an entirely a different thing when you have to live the joke of road construction out. My commute to work is 6 miles. This summer it has been road construction on both major routes. Being the time challenged person that I am, I have started to think that the best way for me to get to work is to parachute and land on the building! Since I am not sure I see the need the need to jump out of perfectly good airplane, I am not certain that I will be parachuting to work anytime soon.

Non-funny as road construction has been to me these past several weeks I had a funny experience. I was driving to work this morning on the route that has no road construction, when they started to make two lanes go into one lane. So I was being obliging and was getting into the right lane. Just as I go over to the right lane the car behind me got into the left lane. Instantly, I thought she is going to try to get in ahead of all of us who were being courteous and getting over. This is one of my pet peeves, people who ride up trying to get ahead of those of us who got over. I hate that! Right then and there my only purpose in driving was to NOT let that girl get in front of me. She sped up and I sped up. Out loud I said no, you don’t get to do that. For a second I feared she would she force her way in. But right then and there it did not matter I was NOT letting her in. I mean nothing mattered more then NOT letting her in. Sadly at the moment of truth I must admit that I called her a not so nice name, and sped up which prevented her from getting in front of me. I watched her car get behind me and funny enough I did not have the victorious feeling I thought I would.

In fact, I had quite the opposite. I wondered why I had made this thing a do or die type of situation. I wished I had just let her in. As much as I disliked, and still dislike the behavior she was exhibiting, I dislike how I responded more.

I remembered this feeling was not a unique one. There have been other times that I did not back down. Other times that my way was THE only way. Yet getting my way or forcing someone else to back down does not actually produce the end result I hoped for or even thought that I would get. Instead of feeling victorious, I feel badly, that I did not back down or had to have MY way. After such moments, I am able to see clearly, that pursuing what I was pursuing is really not worth it. That this is not the person I want to be. Sometimes I think it is not even the person I am. But, if it were not me, would I do this? If I only I could remember this feeling, so in remembering this, it would stop me from doing this again.

The temptation for me in those moments is to get down on myself when I act far differently than I hoped I would. I was reminded that I am good company as Paul writes of his experience in Romans 7: 19-21 “When I want to do good, I don't. And when I try not to do wrong, I do it anyway. But if I am doing what I don't want to do, I am not really the one doing it; the sin within me is doing it. It seems to be a fact of life that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong.” Ah, I am not alone. Paul goes on to say that God does not leave me here. Romans 8:1 says “So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.” I am all about the hope. I love the hope that in Christ, I am not condemned. I love that in Christ I have the hope that I will not always pursue MY way. A girl always has to have hope. I am so thankful that my hope is in Christ. I even have the hope that parachuting will not be the only way to get to work!