Are We There Yet?

We were submitted for court last week. To someone familiar with Ethiopian adoption those words have meaning. To the rest of the world those words cause you to be happy for your friend or family member who just told you because your friend or family member was excited but more than likely you are thinking; “That means what?”

Getting submitted to court for our adoption is another one of those hurry up and wait moments. I think it is those hurry up and wait moments are what make me think it should be called adoptwaiting. Getting submitted to court means that your application has been submitted to court to get assigned a court date. However, before you get a court date the Ethiopian team must secure documents and certificates that are specific to your case. Sometimes those papers take a long time, sometimes they don’t. Once all of those papers have been gathered, your application is reviewed and assigned a court date. Getting a court date takes 2 to 4 weeks, but as in anything some cases take less time, some take much longer than 4 weeks. When you get a court date it is about 6 to 8 eight weeks out from when you find out you have a court date.

Just a few days before I found out we were submitted to court, I feel like God had really given me a peace about not knowing things and waiting. I know that peace is not of me and certainly not because of anything that I did but it is because of God. So there I was waiting, feeling like I was doing okay when I went to check an adoption forum that I love being a part of. On there a fellow adopter had shared they were submitted to court. I was excited for them. I found out the same day we were submitted to court that 4 families other families were submitted to court also. So I think 5 in totally over two days. I rejoice with all of the families who were submitted and I am really hoping I get to meet all of them in Ethiopia. However, when I saw the news of court submission for that first family, even though I was happy for them and still am, something happened in me. Unauthorized thinking and percolating started to happen. That is where the train derailment happened and the crazy girl who had been silent from sometime reappeared.

I started to think crazy thoughts like: “Its not fair” and “Really God?” “Is this a test?” and “How come it’s not us” Then at the same time I started thinking “Do I just write stuff on my blog or do I actually believe it?” I was really challenged by that thought. It can be so hard to actually apply and live out the things that I am learning and say that I believe. Because just when I think I am okay, that is when those crazy girl feelings and thoughts pop out of now where. Even when I bring those thoughts to Christ the feelings still linger. I am starting to think that even though my feelings might not match my beliefs at the moment that does not always mean I don’t believe what I say I believe.

I have come to realize that I at times expect more of myself than God does. Even though I expect perfection from myself, God certainly doesn’t. I don’t think I realized how perfectionism is a perfect (no pun intended) companion to control. I remember Thelma Wells speaking at a conference asking everyone to put their hands in the air and wave them around. She then said look around the room, all the perfectionist are wondering if they are doing it right. Guilty as charged. This crazy girl moment served as a great reminder and wake up call to extend God’s grace to myself. 

Grace, grace, God’s grace, 
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within; 
Grace, grace, God’s grace,
 Grace that is greater than all our sin.