If You Would Have Told Me This..........

I never thought I would write a blog. Sure I have entertained writing a book at different times in my life. That was before I realized I only would have enough information to fill a pamphlet. I certainly never thought anyone would read my blog. If my grandmother were still alive I think she might, provided she had a computer and I could explain to her how to get on the Internet. I can hear that conversation now. I started blogging for numerous reasons. I wanted a way to remember everything. It helps me process all that is happening. Sometimes it is a bit of self-therapy. I am certain if I did not write it down I would never remember all that God has done and all that He has taught me. I wanted to share the journey with others. I am all about doing life with others.

I continue to learn more than I ever thought possible in this journey called adoption. I am humbled and awed by how so many of our family and friends have supported us and continue to support us in this process. I never imagined that would happen. I never expected anyone to walk this road with us. We are not on this roller coaster called adoptwaiting alone. For that I am truly thankful.

I never in a million trillion years thought I would feel such a connection with women I have never actually met face to face. I never thought I would be part of an online forum. I am pretty certain that I actually used my out loud voice and said people who are a part of online forums don’t have any “real life” friends. But, I have come to discover that there are many ways to do life with others. It is simply wonderful to “talk” with other women who are being secretly driven crazy by adoption. Okay not literally crazy but it certainly can feel that way sometimes. I pray faithfully and fervently for women and their children who are on the other side of the world. Women I hope to someday meet. But even if I never meet some of them face to face they have had no less of an impact on my life than women I know in “real life”.

This blogging experience has confirmed that I have a passion to point others to Jesus. Above all through this whole adoption process I want to wait well. If you have read more than 1 of my blogs you know that waiting is a pretty well covered topic. I fear mostly in a what you should not do kind of way but if someone grows closer in the their relationship with Jesus, then I don’t mind. Sometimes I worry, sometimes obsessively, that I come off preachy or prideful. There is certainly more than 1 way to have a relationship with Jesus. That is why we call it a relationship with Jesus because it is unique to us. So if anyone who has read this felt it was my way or you would be wrong, I sincerely apologize.

Blogging has helped me to realize that I have other passions and things that I have been learning that I am not certain I have the words yet to share. Not only that but I certainly have not figured out how to talk about controversial things. I still worry about offending people. Being the type A, perfectionsitc, performance orientated person I am the person who when I get an email that says “We all need to be careful not to…….” am certain that they mean me. I think that makes me careful times 100.

I am not going to lie when I started this particular blog I did not think I would end here, but jut like adoption is a journey or a process so is blogging. Holy moly mackerel, is there nothing in my life that is a destination?!