Freak Out........And I Don't Mean The Disco Tune

Hi, My name is Tracy and I am freaking out. If I were physically acting out what is going on in my head I think you would see me franticly running around in circles trying to get things ready all the while talking to myself. Some might wonder how that is any different than what I normally do but I choose to not listen to those people. I had a similar feeling shortly after we received our referral but that feeling was related to wanting to wait well.

This freaking is a bit different. The boys coming home soon has become much more real now that we have a court date and know that we actually get to meet them. We are closer to the time when they will come to their new home. This is where the freaking out comes. We still have so much to do to get ready I am worried we won’t get it done. I am worried that we aren’t ready. I worry about the traveling. I worry about the boy’s transition to us and their new home. I worry about helping them to process their grief. I am worried about getting clothes that will fit them because we are not certain how much they will grow between now and when we bring them home. I worry about being able to connect and bond with them. What if they don’t like us? If we are able to meet the boy’s relatives, during our second trip, I worry that maybe they won’t like us. I think it might be easier to list the things I am not freaking out about.

Let me think things that don’t cause me to freak out. Yep, I am in no way worried about my plants while we will be gone. That could be why I am not a green thumb. I am not freaking out about....um…..well…..okay the plants. At least I have one thing on that list.

My head knows the truth that God is in control. That He did not bring us this far just to leave us. That God will equip us with what we need to walk through these situations. God has been so faithful and met our needs through out this adoption process in amazing, wonderful and often unexpected ways. I know these things. I believe these things.

I also can lose sight of these things in a moments notice when an obstacle pops up. Usually because I end up focused on the thing or obstacle instead of keeping my eyes on the Lord. It is taking ever once of self-control I have to practice 2 Corinthians 10:5…..”take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” Sometimes I am able to do this sometimes I am not. I find it fascinating that these two thoughts can exist all at the same time in my mind. I think there might be a name for that…..I think it’s the human condition.