Ready Yet?

I seem to be a person who learns things the hard way. What I like to call the two by four method. What I mean by that is that much like those V-8 commercials, I have to be smacked in the head, sometimes, before I get what God may be trying to teach me.

I had one of those smack in the head moments this week as we learned about the changes in our adoptwaiting program. These are good and necessary changes. As they begin to implement these changes it makes the time line of when we will get a court date and then an embassy date a bit farther out. As with any change it takes time and there are many unknowns because it simply has not been done like this before.

I, the still in recovery control freak, was certain that if I could just learn enough about the upcoming changes that I could have a time line. Because I still believed that if I could gather enough information I could have some idea what, was happening and when. Knowing this would of course give me the control I so desperately sought.  But as I sought the answers to my questions they were met with we don’t know yet and it’s too early to tell. 

As I got the final it’s too early to tell response, it was almost as if I could hear the Lord say to me “Are you ready to trust Me, yet?” Before I even got my final it’s to early to tell I knew no one knew the answers to my questions. The question “Are you ready to trust Me yet?” rang in my mind.

In that moment, I had about a million thoughts and just as many emotions. It was then that I knew the only one I could trust was the Lord. I was embarrassed that I did it again. I tried to get the answers I sought on my own. Looking everywhere but to the Lord because I did not like His answer. His answer was, “Trust me” and I wanted to hear concrete things next month. I would have even settled for in three months. Still I was ashamed that I had to get to the place where there was no where else to turn before I was ready to say “Okay Lord I trust you.”

One of the things that I love about the Lord is His grace. The Lord did not say “Are you ready to trust me, yet?” With anger, impatience, or even a why can’t you figure these things our sooner attitude. As much as I joke about learning things by the two by four method that is not how the Lord treats me. He simply asked “Are you ready to trust me and in me alone?”

I was finally able to answer his question with a “Yes!” I am growing comfortable with not knowing, the how, what, and when. That does not mean I don’t have moments of uncomfortableness, because I do.  But it is different because my hope and trust are truly in the Lord. This sets the stage for something awesome to happen. I know, that I know, that I know God can do this. He will bring us through this.