We Would Love To Have You Pray For Us While We Are Getting Our Girl

We leave on Friday June 10!!!!!! I am still terrified and excited all at the same time! We would covet people to pray for us as we go to get Mabel and as the boys stay here and enjoy friends. China is 13 hours ahead of CST.

July 9- We drop the boys off. Pray for them and pray for us. My momma's heart is struggling

July 10- We fly out. Please pray for no delays for our flight, and for good weather. Pray Jeff and I would do well on the long flight. Pray for no motion sickness and claustrophobia would not be an issue for me. 

July 11- That we would sleep well and have no issues with jet lag. 

July 12- Pray for no issues with jet lag, safety as we take the train to where we will pick up Mabel. Prepare our hearts and Mabel for our meeting. Pray also for health. 

July 13- Pray for Mabel and her heart as she meets us for the first time. For Jeff and I to have wisdom on how to best know how we can win her heart and to build trust with her. Mabel has many eye issues we are not sure how her sight or lack thereof will affect this meeting. Please pray for this as well. 

July 14- Continued prayers for our adjustment and for Mabel's adjustment. For all of us to stay healthy. 

July 15 -Pray for Mabel's heart, pray that she would be able to trust us. Continue to pray for Mabel and her vision issues and how we could work around those to bond.

July 16- Today is Zeke's birthday. So thankful that we get to be his parents. Pray for Both Zeke and Nate as they are away from us that would enjoy their time away. Pray also for them and their adjustment to Mabel coming home.

July 17- We fly from Beijing to Guangzhou. Pray for safety. Pray for Mabel as this is her first flight. We are not sure how she will respond to flying. Pray also for her and I to not have any motion sickness. Pray for good weather as we fly. 

July 18- Today Mabel will have her medical visa exam. They will have to draw blood. Pray for Mabel and pray for us to be able to comfort her. Pray that all her test results would come back the way we need them too

July 19- Pray for all of us to continue to adjust to one another and that we continue to stay healthy 

July 20- There will be many other adoptive families in Guangzhou pray that we would be able to connect and that our time would be rich and mutually encouraging 

July 21- Today is our consulate appointment. Pray all goes well and for no paperwork glitches

July 22- Today is the day we can get Mabel's visa to come home. Pray for no glitches and that we can get her visa this day.

July 23- We travel to Hong Kong. Pray for safety, no motion sickness for both Mabel and I. Pray for transitions to another new place.

July 24- We leave to travel home! Pray for no travel delays, safety and no motion sickness. Pray we all would do well on such a long flight. When we land in Dallas pray that the line in customs goes smoothly. Pray that we would make our connecting flight to Chicago without a hitch. Pray for all of us as we begin the process of being a family of 5!

We are blessed and thankful for each and every person who is with us on this journey!

Friend and Family Letter from Lifeline Children's Services

Our Agency Lifeline Children's Services sends this letter out to all their adoptive families in hopes that we share it so they can help others learn.

Dear Friends and Family,

Lifeline would like to share this letter with you in hopes that it would help explain the changing needs of your family members and friends as they embark on the spiritual and emotional journey of adoption. As they put into action God’s Word to care for orphans (James 1:27) they will need your understanding and compassion. Bringing their adopted child home will present an array of experiences and your continued and ongoing love and support is essential in their child’s acclimation to a new environment.

Things to Consider

As you participate in welcoming home an adopted child there are many things to consider. We ask that you keep in mind the unique experiences the child may have had prior to coming home. Please try to view the world from their perspective and understand that this transition will be challenging. They will be thrust into a world that is completely unfamiliar, which will require a huge adjustment period. There is no definite timeframe for how long this period will last because every child is different. Each specific child’s history plays a major role in what they will need from those around them.

Institutionalization and International Foster Care

Often times, children in orphan care live in facilities that house a large number of children. Orphanages and group homes vary by culture and sometimes these facilities have inadequate resources to meet the needs of all the children. In many instances the ratio of caretaker to children is vastly disproportioned. This system creates an environment where children are not given enough individual attention required for healthy development. Children in international foster care may have developed attachments with caregivers, but there is no certainty these were positive attachments. There can also be an increased sense of grief and loss because these children were part of a family, regardless of how these family units may have been structured. Any of these dynamics have the potential to lead to extensive and ongoing problems in relationships described as an insecure attachment style (Bowlby & Ainsworth, 1991). These children will need time and patience to heal.

Attachment and Bonding

The concept of attachment is the way a child develops relational bonds (Ainsworth, 1963). This is established by the care a child receives from their primary caregiver within the first few years of life. This care can be described as consistently meeting a child’s physical, mental, emotional, and social needs. When this is done a child develops a secure attachment style, which is vital for the formation of trust. Children who experience the loss of their primary caregiver in any capacity or lack having a consistent positive caregiver often have difficulty trusting that their needs will be met. This is why it is crucial for the adoptive parents to establish themselves as the primary caregivers for an adopted child. This is taught by the adoptive parents being the only ones to initially meet all of the child’s needs. To make this easier, we strongly recommend that the parents do not leave home with their newly adopted child often, which is called “cocooning”. As adoption professionals skilled in attachment and bonding we have seen the benefits of cocooning and wholeheartedly believe in the concept. This period lasts as long as a child needs to feel secure with and connected to their adoptive parents. Regardless of the physical age of a child, their emotional needs will be like that of a newborn baby. New people should be introduced to an adopted child in moderation only when they become comfortable with their adoptive parents. Although your assistance with the direct care of the adopted child is not suggested there will be many other ways you can help that would be equally important. We have included a handout with some alternative tasks during the cocooning period.

Practical Tips for the Cocooning Period

Things To Avoid	How You Can Help
Picking up / holding the child	Refrain from asking to hold child / when appropriate hold child facing outward so they can still see mom and dad
Physical contact with adopted child	Please do not ask for kisses or hugs from the adopted child / Respect personal space
Personally giving the child gifts, food, toys, etc	Give items to mom or dad to give to the child
Being left alone with adopted child (ie…babysitting)	Offer to care for biological children so mom and dad can have time alone with adopted child
Parties or large gatherings in adopted child’s presence	When adopted child and parents are ready visit in small groups (1-2)  for short periods of time
Asking detailed or invasive questions to adopted child	Remember to be mindful about the child’s history and respectful regarding their grief and loss
Asking to meet any needs of the adopted child	Offer to meet needs of other children in home like providing transportation to outside activities or cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands for family
Loud talking, music, or other noises that may alarm adopted child	Speak softly, gently, and remain calm in presence of adopted child / Increase awareness of sensory issues
Correcting or disciplining adopted child	Allow parents to handle correcting any behaviors / Be open-minded about differences in parenting children with attachment issues
Criticizing or being judgmental of the parenting styles or techniques of adoptive parents	Read books and articles about attachment and bonding recommended by adoption professionals

Additional Resources

The Connected Child: Bring hope and healing to your adoptive family by Karyn Purvis

Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today’s Parents by Deborah D. Gray

Twenty Things Adoptive Parents Wish Their Parents Knew by Sherrie Eldridge